im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
