You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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