Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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