that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
