So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
