??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
