forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
