Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
