this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
