I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
