I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
