i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
