worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
