I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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