I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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