I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
