I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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