Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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