I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
