i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
