After last night, I could never be a politician.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
