He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
