I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
