have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She bit a glass in half.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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