I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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