brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
