Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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