How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
