its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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