I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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