the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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