Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
