Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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