Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
