Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
