What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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