i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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