Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
