I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
