you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
