I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
