Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
