Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
