Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize