my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
