My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
