Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
