I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i believe in u and ur pee
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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