I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Of course I have a pirate flag
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
