god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
