dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
