In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
