Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
