its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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