What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
