is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to cum in my sink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
