Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
