When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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