how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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