At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
