So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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